


Just like before

by lwtmehome



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Zayn, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Smut, Top Liam, imsogoneforthem, liamwithakink, reallyjustsmut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-06 00:29:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12805656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lwtmehome/pseuds/lwtmehome
Summary: The lighter in Liam’s hand feels heavy, like a burden. He’d quit smoking years ago, he knows he doesn’t have to light up one. He’s not completely sober though, and all the news lately have been taking a toll on him. He hates that Zayn still gets to him like this, manages to wrench his heart out of its place, even when he’s an ocean away. He absolutely hates it.or, the one where Liam isnotpining anddefinitely doesn'thave a power kink.





	Just like before

**Author's Note:**

> **PLEASE READ**
> 
>  
> 
> So, this happened. Got inspiration from Sam Smith's - _No Peace_ and I hope you'll either listen to the song and read the lyrics before or listen to that masterpiece during reading, because the song sets the mood to this piece. It was supposed to be angsty and really just pining Liam, like I usually write him, but- well, it _evolved_ (read: it turned out to be a smut fic without my control). 
> 
> **I do not own the characters, of course. This is a purely fictional story, completely pulled out of my head. That said, please do not share my work anywhere!**
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

It was never once easy, their relationship. It wasn’t simple and their feelings weren’t burning through their chests and shining on their faces like all the others’ feelings around them. Like Louis and Harry. Liam spent years trying not to be bitter about it, used so much of his energy to do that. It’s not like he could’ve avoided it anyway. 

Liam feels like maybe he should’ve allowed himself to feel the things he wanted to instead of pushing them away. But he’d been just a boy, scared of losing that one thing that kept him from drowning in the endless sea of temptations and new, exciting things. He avoided so many mistakes so he can’t regret his decisions all that much, but sometimes he still thinks about it. All of it. 

Because even though he avoided those mistakes, those one-night-stands and those experiments with molly and coke, he still stepped on many landmines. Sometimes knowingly, other times drunk off his ass. He doesn’t know if he still subconsciously knew what he was doing, and anyways, it’s not like neither one of them apologised about it the morning after. 

The lighter in Liam’s hand feels heavy, like a burden. He’d quit smoking years ago, he knows he doesn’t have to light up one. He’s not completely sober though, and all the news lately have been taking a toll on him. He hates that Zayn still gets to him like this, manages to wrench his heart out of its place, even when he’s an ocean away. He absolutely hates it. 

That doesn’t change the fact that when he lies in his bed and it’s 1a.m., he still sometimes imagines the other man and his raven hair right there, next to him. They’d never been romantic and cheesy, only sweet like two friends might be, but they’d spoken about things so personal Liam thinks he’ll never tell anyone else about them. Even if he ever gets married to someone, not even then. Afterwards they’d have sex and Liam would leave bitemarks on Zayn’s smooth skin, their sweat would mingle together making their bodies slick and Liam would feel like he was on fire. He was burning where ever Zayn’s fingertips landed and it was the best sensation in the whole world. 

Liam would do a lot to get there once more, to hold Zayn’s hands above the man’s head and to kiss him, taste the saltiness he’d grown so used to without even trying. For that, he would do things he’s not proud to admit he’d do, but he still would. For Zayn, he’d do them. Liam turns the lighter in his hand, the music from the club thumping through the walls. He misses Zayn. 

They’d only seen each other a handful of times after Zayn had left the band. Most of those times Liam had been so pissed he doesn’t even remember if they crossed paths properly, only nodding in each other’s direction when entering the same space. But one time Liam remembers, the first time after Zayn leaving. It was after Zayn and Perrie’s break-up had been all over the news and to Liam’s knowledge the man was still single back then, yet to start dating the model, Gigi. That left the both of them in a situation they’d never been in. Both without a girlfriend, but at the same time with no relationship between them whatsoever. 

Zayn’s leaving hadn’t bothered him that much, he’d thought so at least. He had been angry, of course, but he hadn’t been pining after the man like most seemed to expect of him. He’d just partied twice as much and collected an array of sympathetic looks from those close to him. It was hideous, but it all made sense when he came face to face with Zayn again, after months. 

”Hi, Liam,” he’d said, his voice low and his accent thick. 

Liam had felt like drowning and he hadn’t even drank anything at that point. Zayn’s dark brown eyes looked alive, looked every bit as soulful as Liam knew the man to be, and he was _there_ , right in front of him. All flesh and blood, dressed in black, his hair swept in a messy quiff. He looked amazing and Liam’s fingertips had itched to touch, but he couldn’t. Of course he hadn’t. 

”Hey,” he’d said instead, raising his glass a little.

Liam doesn’t think either one of them smiled much and anyway, people around them seemed to be expecting something to happen. Maybe they thought one of them would get hostile or rude, at the very least. They didn’t. Liam wishes they had. Instead, Zayn had offered to buy him a drink, even though Liam’s glass was still full. But it was a peace offering of sorts and Liam didn’t have it in him to turn it down. So he agreed. 

Two hours later he was pleasantly buzzed and his hand was resting on Zayn’s thigh, while they laughed about something Liam can’t remember now. He’d been happy. Now he can’t understand why. Zayn had taken him home that night and Liam had fucked him into the mattress while Rihanna’s S&M played somewhere in the room. Even though Liam had left Zayn breathless and laughing in exhilaration that night, it was still Liam who was gasping for air only a week later, realising how much he wanted it all to be his. 

It took some time to spring back from that, took good friends and some liquor, but he’d managed. Somehow at least. Up until now, that is. Liam’s been thrown all these questions about the other lads in his interviews and unwillingly he’d been bringing Zayn up. Whether it was about who he’d like to collab with or who he thought dressed the best out of the band. Zayn wasn’t even in the band anymore. 

They hadn’t kept in touch afterwards and Liam wonders if it’s his fault. Should he have called or texted Zayn. But it wasn’t the same anymore, now that they didn’t talk on daily basis. Now that there wasn’t any friendship to establish their relationship on some level. There was no safety net, like back in the day when they’d first ended up in the same bed. They couldn’t avoid talking about it, however round about that talk ended up being, they still had it. 

Liam and Zayn were the epitome of complicated. They had – or had had – sex like it was the only nutrition they needed even when they’d both been spoken for. It was awful, but neither one every found a way to stop. Sometimes it happened because they were so drunk and horny and _young_. Other times Liam would share a hotel room with Zayn, who’d just gotten a new tattoo and it wasn’t Liam’s fault the man loved pain. It wasn’t his fault that Zayn walked out of the shower wearing only a towel and a lusty haze clouding his eyes, his tattoo waiting to be taken care of. Sometimes they’d come off stage, sweaty and rowdy, full of energy to be released. It was those times that happened so quickly, Liam barely had the chance to think about it. They’d lock the door to one of their dressing room’s and Liam would bend Zayn over the table or the couch and fuck him into oblivion. Liam had no such strength in himself to stop these events, he was weak when it came to Zayn.

He isn’t sure when they’d started to prepare for it, when the silent agreement had been made. At some point they both carried lube and condoms with them at all times, never knowing where they’d end up with each other. Liam didn’t even find it odd, never really gave himself the permission to start second-guessing what ever it was that they were doing. He was being selfish, but so was Zayn. They never discussed breaking it off or breaking up with their respective girlfriends, for that matter. Liam never dared to bring it up and Zayn seemed hesitant as well. And it worked for them, all those years. The people who knew didn’t consider it their business, never said a word about it to them or to anyone else. Although Harry had once asked Liam if he knew what he was doing while they were out, celebrating one of their award wins. Liam had been eyeing Zayn for a while already and Harry had probably known what would happen. It wasn’t the first time, after all. 

Liam hadn’t been able to assure Harry, though. He had wanted to get mad, but he controlled himself. It wasn’t Harry’s fault that his and Zayn’s relationship was as fucked up as it was. So, instead of reassuring his friend, he’d shaken his head and told the truth. He had no idea where they stood or if it was wise at all. He said he’d stop if it ever came between him and Sophia, though. Harry either had or hadn’t believed him. Liam didn’t know if he had meant those words anyway. It had been easy to say them, when it never became an issue. 

Right now, though, he wishes he’d either stayed away from Zayn all together, or at least made his feelings clear to himself. Then he’d been able to maybe save something between him and Zayn. Or had stopped early enough to save his own arse. But as said, he was young and stupid, reckless. He wanted to live in the moment and have everything. In reality, he thinks he would’ve settled for Zayn. 

Against his better judgement, he fishes his phone out of his back pocket, hoping he doesn’t sound too drunk as he lifts the phone to his ear. He doesn’t know if he has the right number, doesn’t know what he has to say either. It’s Los Angeles that’s doing things to him, he reckons. 

”Um, hello?” Zayn’s voice is thick and he’s barely speaking outloud.

”Err, hi. Hey,” Liam coughs, suddenly a little self-conscious. 

There’s some rustling on the other end of the phone and then Zayn’s voice comes through again, clearly sleepy. ”Liam? Li, is that you?”

It stings a little, realising Zayn doesn’t even have his number saved anymore. Liam doesn’t let it get to him, at least he tries not to. He leans his head on the concrete wall behind him and takes a breath. 

”Yeah, ’s me.” 

It’s quiet for a moment, then. ”What’s up? You out?” 

”At some club, yeah,” Liam nods even though Zayn can’t see it, ”You were probably sleeping. Sorry.” 

”It’s fine, mate,” Zayn assures around a yawn, ”Why’d you call?” 

Yeah. _Why_ did he call. 

Liam finds himself staring at the yellow lighter in his hand, twirling it in his fingers. ”I almost smoked a cig, so.”

”But you didn’t?” Zayn seems a little amused and Liam gets it, he does. The other had never understood why quitting was so important to Liam. Liam had tried to explain it, how he wants at least one toxic thing out of his life, the thing he _can_ control. Zayn had smiled his subtle smile and given Liam one of those rare kisses. The thought makes Liam smile.

”I didn’t, no,” he shakes his head. ”Maybe I was reminiscing a little, too.” 

Zayn’s quiet for a bit, Liam’s not sure how long for, his sense of time isn’t at its best right now. ”Oh. You were, weren’t you.” 

It’s a murmur, not a question at all. Liam knows Zayn gets it and it feels awful that he still does. Because how can he not have Liam’s number, but still understands Liam this well. Liam sighs. ”Sorry. I probably shouldn’t have called.” 

”Probably not,” Zayn echoes, but there’s an undertone to his voice, ”But I’m glad you did.” 

”Yeah?” Liam breathes out and he hopes it doesn’t come out as desperate as it sounds in his head. 

Zayn’s quiet again, Liam doesn’t know if he should end the call and pretend like it never happened or give this a go. Whatever it is that Zayn’s thinking about. Either way, it won’t end good. ”You’re in LA, right?” 

”I am,” Liam nods, ”Downtown.” 

”I’m biting me nails off here,” Zayn chuckles darkly, surprsing Liam with his words, ”I must be mad,” he then whispers. 

Liam hears it though and it does things to him. His heart thumps against his chest, excitement swims inside him and his head suddenly feels a lot more sober. ”D’you wanna come by mine?”

Zayn sucks in a breath at the other end and Liam absolutely loves how it goes straight to his dick. He has to lean against the cool concrete with his whole body to calm himself down. 

”Yeah,” Zayn eventually mumbles, ”Yeah, I’ll come. Send me the address.” 

The phone call ends and Liam has to type out the address to Zayn before he starts regretting it. He calls himself a cab as well, trying to steady his voice enough to speak. Once he makes it home, with all of his thousand and one thoughts racing each other inside his head, he finds Zayn sitting in front of his building. 

His steps slow down, until he comes to a halt mere meters away from the man. Zayn looks astonishing, his cheekbones high and royal, his brown eyes almost black in the light of the single lamp above his head. He’s rubbing his hands together, even though it’s not even cold outside. He’s nervous, Liam gathers. 

They stay there for a moment or two before Liam breaks the silence. ”You still up for this?” 

Zayn’s eyes sweep him up and down and Liam can see how the other swallows. His hands are still pressed together, but his lashes flutter, his mouth opening once and then once more, before he speaks, his voice low and needy. ” _God, yes_.” 

It doesn’t take much more for Liam to dig up his keys while ushering Zayn up so he can open the door. Liam might be drunk, but he’s not careless. They slip inside, leaving space between them, too much space. Liam lives on the seventh floor, so they take the lift. He almost wishes they’d run, work up a sweat to break some of the tension in his body. 

Even though Liam wants to jump Zayn as soon as the doors close, he doesn’t. He knows how much Zayn loves the suspension, remembers how it got the man begging years ago. Liam considers making small talk, honest to god considers talking about the weather, but he doesn’t trust his mouth right now. 

As soon as the doors open, Liam pushes Zayn out of the lift with his hand on the man’s lower back. The small contact makes Liam shiver and he can feel Zayn tense up as well, beneath his touch. Liam only lets go to open the door to his flat and let them in. He flicks on the light in the hallway and steps out of his shoes. His mind is much more sober than he hopes it would be. Making this decision consciously, it’ll weigh on Liam later, he’s sure of it. 

Zayn rids his shoes as well and shrugs off his signature leather jacket. It’s a new one, though it looks a lot like his former one. It’s a lot less worn out, however, and still has that smell of new leather. 

”Do you want something to drink?” Liam offers, mostly because he doesn’t know what to do now.

Zayn takes steps further down the hallway, makes his way to Liam’s high-seiling living room. He spins slowly, his eyes scanning the white walls, like a canvas waiting to be sprayed full of art, waiting to be filled with colour. Eventually, Zayn lowers his gaze to Liam and shakes his head. 

”I’m good as it is,” his hands grip the hem of his white t-shirt and he pulls it over his head. 

Liam’s mouth is like a desert, his hands feel numb, but his blood is vigorously pumping in his veins, urging him to move, to touch. Zayn’s chest is littered with new tattoos, ones that Liam has never seen. He feels oddly turned on by that as he takes step forward, still leaving plenty of space between them. He’s not sure if he’s giving Zayn the chance to back out or himself, maybe both. Zayn doesn’t seem like he’s going anywhere though, his eyes glistening the tiniest bit with emotions, most of them familiar to Liam from their days together. 

” _Please_ , take your shirt off,” Zayn huffs, but he sounds like he’s bordering on desperate, ”Don’t make me look like a desperate idiot here, Liam.” 

And yes, Liam _definitely_ wants to get back to that, but not right now. He pulls off his shirt and despite himself feels a little proud of his body that’s gone through a decent change since the other had last seen it. His abs are defined now, his arms strong and thick and by the look on Zayn’s face, he sees it too. 

”You can touch me,” Liam teases, despite feeling nervous, like this could break whatever they’ve built around themselves. 

”Dickhead,” Zayn mutters, but even in the dim lighting Liam can see his lips quirking up as Zayn closes the space between them. 

Liam’s heart stutters as Zayn’s fingertips connect with his skin, his chest heaving a little under the man’s light touch. He spreads his palm on Liam’s left pec and places his other hand on his waist. His touch is warm and soft, a little unsure maybe. Like Zayn’s wondering the same as Liam, if maybe they’re just making the biggest mistake yet. 

”Good to know I’m not the only one shitting my pants here,” Zayn laughs, but is comes out breathless, ”Unless you’re just this excited?” 

Their gazes meet as Zayn looks up, still a little shorter than Liam. The younger takes a breath and finally gives himself a permission to touch Zayn. His right hand instinctively travels to the man’s neck and splays there, pulling the other a bit closer. 

”It’s both.” 

Zayn blinks, his long lashes sweeping at his cheek. His lips are the tiniest bit parted and his eyes are on Liam’s lips and then back to looking him in the eye. Liam thinks this is the most open they’ve ever been with each other and he wonders if it’s because of they’ve grown up a little. Maybe.

”Come on then,” Liam breathes out, leaning closer, ”Don’t be a tease.” 

Zayn isn’t planning to, it seems, as he leans in without much hesitation, and attaches their lips. Liam thinks he must be dreaming, because Zayn’s lips are soft and sweet and _there_. His arms travel down to Zayn’s waist as he tries to get closer, licking at the older’s lips, begging to get a taste. Zayn grants Liam’s wish easily, turning the kiss in to a more heated one, into one of those kisses that gets Liam’s legs weak and his head spinning. Zayn tastes every bit the same he did the last time, his tongue familiar in a way Liam hadn’t even understood someone’s tongue _could be_. 

His hands are pressing down on Zayn’s narrow hips so hard Liam thinks he might break the man, but he knows it’ll take much more than that. With ease he pushes Zayn against the nearest wall as he fumbles to open the first button of the other’s jeans. Liam’s mind is like a whirlwind with Zayn’s mouth against his, their kisses just a tad sloppy, both men’s lips slick. Liam thinks he moans quietly when Zayn bites down on his lower lip and starts undoing Liam’s jeans as well. Their hands collide many times before they manage to get both of their pants off, but as soon as they do, Liam shoves his hips against the older’s, their hard ons rubbing together sensually, making shivers run down Liam’s spine. 

He detaches their lips and lays kisses along Zayn’s God-like jawline and nibbling at his earlobe before moving down to his neck, biting and sucking gently, his hand snaking between them. As he slips his hands inside Zayn’s briefs, he bites the skin on the older’s neck and sucks hard. His breathing is ragged, but so is Zayn’s, who throws his head back against the wall, cursing under his breath. 

” _Shit_ ,” he mumbles, but it’s much too quiet for Liam’s liking and he knows how much louder Zayn can be. 

Ruthlessly he pulls his hand away, guiding Zayn’s head so that they’re facing each other. He can see the lust in the other’s eyes, his lips are parted and his chest heaving with the breaths he’s taking and Liam knows he’ll make the man scream tonight. With their eyes locked, Liam spits on his own hand and then pulls down Zayn’s briefs swiftly with his dry hand. The older sucks in a breath as Liam readily wraps his long fingers around Zayn’s cock. 

Slowly, torturingly he moves his hand up and down, lets his thumb dip into the slit of the raven haired man’s cock, and finally Zayn lets out a proper moan, his lips falling apart. Liam leans close to his ear and bites gently on the earlobe. ”You better give it all you got tonight. Show me you want this or I’ll walk.” 

It’s a risky game he’s playing, but he can’t stop now that he’s started. Liam’s taken back to their days together, years back and he wants to please Zayn, he wants- _needs_ Zayn to _want him._ The older groans, his head dropping on Liam’s shoulder, his hands steading him by holding on to Liam’s biceps. 

”I’ll do anything you want,” the raven head rasps, turning his head to mouth on Liam’s neck, nibbling. 

Liam wants it all and he wants it now. Without warning he drops to his knees and swallows around Zayn’s cock, taking him fully in. He hasn’t done this in a while and he can feel his gag reflex jumping into action, but he forces himself to stay in place for a bit, admiring Zayn’s sharp jawline and the expression of pure pleasure on his face. He starts bobbing his head slowly, carefully sucking until his cheeks are hollowed and he can see Zayn trembling. 

”Oh, _holy fuck_ ,” Zayn stutters, his hips snapping forward, hitting Liam in the back of his throat.

The younger can’t hold back his gag reflex, but the coughing and gagging only serves Zayn to turn his hazy eyes on Liam as he wets his lips. Liam’s eyes are teary, his chin wet from saliva and the older looks at him like he’s never been hungrier. Zayn pulls him up to crash their mouth together and Liam pushes him against wall by his shoulders, shoving his tongue inside the man's mouth, licking and teasing him. His own erection feels painful already, completely unnoticed still, lying against Liam's stomach. With a low moan Zayn pushes Liam away, just enough to mutter against his lips, with his voice needy.

”Fuck my mouth,” Zayn breathes out. ”Please.” 

Liam wipes at his chin, trying to disguise how much the older’s words affect him, his cock throbbing against his belly. He makes a noise, something like a grunt as he pulls Zayn after him to the bedroom. He pushes him on the mattress, his eyes dark and demanding. He orders Zayn to lay on his back, to let his head hang off the bed, only so that his neck is supported. 

Even with Zayn upside down, he can see it in his eyes, how he wants this, how he’s been aching for it like Liam has and it gives Liam the confidence he needs. He pushes down his briefs and determinedly walks over to Zayn. He crouches down next to man’s head and husks into his ear, caressing his cheek in a sweet manner. 

”You’re gonna be a good boy for me, yeah?” Zayn nods and Liam can see him swallowing. ”If it gets too much, tap my thigh,” he hesitates for a brief moment, but adds, ”Just like before.” 

It sends a hot shiver of pleasure through Liam’s body when he thinks about how it was before, in the past. He gets even hotter when Zayn turns his head to the side, so that their eyes meet and whispers: 

”Just like before.” 

It’s probably not that meaningful, but Liam can’t dwell on it right now. He’s got a beautiful man in his hands and he’s not about to let the moment pass by, not when he’s been waiting, aching for this for so long. He plants a small kiss on Zayn’s cheek and gets up, positioning himself so that the older’s in between his legs. Zayn licks his lips and opens his mouth, eager to take Liam in. 

It takes everything Liam has in him not to push in without so much as a thought, Zayn looking like the sinner he is. He leans his other hand on Zayn’s other side on the bed and with his other hand, he guides his cock to nudge his lips. Zayn’s tongue pushes out of his mouth, licking a stripe on the underside of Liam’s hard-on. Liam swears he used to be better at resisting the other, he swears. 

He doesn’t wait any longer now, though, as he pushes past Zayn’s red-bitten lips and lets his eyes fall shut with the pleasure rippling through his body. Zayn’s mouth is hot and he’s swirling his tongue, slipping it into the slit, before taking more of Liam in by raising his head. Liam curses, his both hands gripping the duvet as he forces his eyes open, unwilling to miss the look on the man’s face. 

With confidence, Liam starts lowering his hips and bringing them up again, dipping deeper with every thrust. He can see Zayn relaxing his throat muscles, taking it all in like the good boy he is. Zayn never had a gag reflex and _God_ , had Liam been grateful for that so many times, including now. He picks up his pace a little, watching in fascination the way Zayn’s saliva wets his cock and dribbles down on his chin and cheeks. The older looks downright sinful, moaning as he closes his lips around Liam. The sound makes everything better, the vibration traveling right through Liam like an electric shock. 

By instinct his hips thrust deeper, his fists clenching the duvet with such force Liam can feel his nails on his palms. Zayn’s noises get louder, his hands gripping at Liam’s hips tightly, like his life depends on them. With difficulty Liam slows down and pulls away. He could do this all night, but he needs to look Zayn in the eye, he needs to _fuck_ the man, needs to show him what he’s been missing. 

Zayn whimpers as Liam helps him on the bed fully and climbs on top of him, straddling his waist. He leans down and kisses his neck and collarbone, sucks on his nipple and strokes his sides with his hands. Liam feels the sweat on his body, can smell the sweat on Zayn’s and it makes him impatient. He wants to feel them both slick against each other, sliding together like they had before. 

”You’re gonna ride me,” Liam rasps against the skin below Zayn’s ear, his hands pressing on the older’s sides, ”And then I’m going to bend you over and fuck you like that time in the supply closet at the Modest office.” 

Zayn shudders underneath him and whispers a ’yes, Liam, yes’, three times, his nails raking through Liam’s short hair. It physically pains Liam to let go of Zayn to retrieve his lube and condoms from the bedside table’s drawer and he makes sure his hands are on the man again, as soon as he’s back on the bed. 

Liam feels overwhelmed, looking at the one man he’s missed so much he can’t explain it even if he wanted to. The man is right underneath his fingertips, so close Liam thought would never be possible again. So many nights he’s dreamed of this, so many nights he’s hoped for relief, but it’s been either too far away – one ocean away – or just not enough. His heart lies on Zayn’s fingertips and Liam wants to tell the man as much, but instead he just breathes out a simple word. 

”Beautiful.” 

Zayn’s torso is flushed red, his eyes only half open as Liam shuffles back, between the man’s legs. He kisses the inside of Zayn’s knee as he pours lube on his fingers. Even though Liam hasn’t done this to anyone else in a long time, he’s still done it to himself. He keeps his eyes on Zayn’s face as he teases his hole for a bit, before slipping the first finger in with ease. Judging by Zayn’s reaction, he might not have been keeping up with this himself. 

”Been a long time?” Liam asks, his voice low. 

”Yeah,” Zayn nods his head, his voice breathy, ”And it feels about hundred times better when you do it.” 

Liam tries not to let that get into his head as he slowly works another finger in, eagerly looking for Zayn’s prostate to make this part as pleasurable as possible. He tries a few different angles until he hits the jackpot, Zayn’s back arching from the bed. A slightly smug grin spreads on Liam’s lips for a brief moment, but it’s gone as soon as Zayn groans, his hands grabbing for the duvet under him. Whatever teasing comment Liam was about to make dies on his lips. 

Liam scissors Zayn long enough to add the third finger. With ease he finds the older’s prostate now, crooking his fingers just right, making Zayn crumble before him. He’s pushing his face into the pillow, his hands and legs are trembling and he’s wide open for Liam. He looks absolutely perfect, Liam thinks. He hates it that someone else has seen Zayn like this, his blood boils at the thought. This Zayn used to be something only Liam got to see: his pink cheeks, unapologetic, filthy looks he threw at Liam to tempt him. They were, _are_ , Liam and Zayn's secrets and Liam tries not to think about all those other men who have seen it as he pulls his fingers out. 

The other whimpers at the feeling of loss, peeling his eyes open to look at Liam. Liam only gestures for Zayn to get up and he knows how he looks at the older, knows his eyes are dark and posessive and he knows how it affects Zayn. Always has affected. The older kneels on the bed while Liam settles down on his back, pushing a pillow under his head. 

”Come on then, babe,” Liam circles his fingers around Zayn’s wrist, helping him straddle his waist. ”You wanna roll the condom on? Have you still got the skill?” 

Zayn’s cheeks are rosy and his pupils dialated. He’s biting down on his plump, darkened lower lip as he tears open the condom and then adjusts the rubber between his lips. Liam swipes his thumb along the man’s divine cheekbone, before nodding slightly. Zayn’s hands travel up his thighs and his stomach until they’re gripping Liam’s sides. The older then lowers his mouth on Liam’s rock hard cock and starts sliding the condom on with his mouth. 

It’s a trick Zayn had learned years back when one of the guys in their band, Liam thinks it might’ve been Josh, had told them a story about one of his mates back home, how his girl had learned this, just to please the man. Liam had laughed at it back then, but secretly he’d hoped Zayn would do this to him as well, his power kink being what it is. On Liam’s birthday he’d gotten a pleasant present and ever since then Zayn would do this when ever they got excited enough or had the time. 

Liam’s mouth falls open, his eyes screw shut as Zayn slowly takes him in, his tongue working the condom carefully. Liam knows it’s not easy, Liam knows how much effort it takes and that makes his skin feel like it’s burning and his cock twitch. Zayn wants to please Liam and Liam wants to make him feel good, he wants to fuck him so that he won’t remember any other names than Liam’s. 

As soon as Zayn lifts his lips away, Liam pulls him in to kiss him fiercely. Their teeth collide a little, their noses bump together and Liam can feel Zayn’s nails leaving trails on his chest as he holds onto the older’s neck with two hands. Their tongues roll over each other, Liam coaxes Zayn’s tongue into his mouth and sucks on it before pulling away, slowly detaching their lips, sucking on the older’s lower lip. They’re breathing hard, staring at each other with such intensity Liam’s afraid he might catch on fire. 

”Ride me, Z,” he growls releasing the raven haired man. 

Zayn doesn’t waste his time, positioning himself above Liam’s throbbing cock. He places his hands on Liam’s chest to gain some leverage and then he’s sinking down. Liam can feel the tightness enveloping him, Zayn’s thighs are trembling and a chant of curses are falling from his lips. The younger’s hands are gripping Zayn’s hips so hard there’ll be bruises the next morning for sure and that’s what Liam _wants_. Zayn sinks down until his bum meets Liam’s groin and if Liam was a little bit more cheesy, he’d say it feels like he’s whole again, that they fit like two puzzle pieces. He isn’t, though. 

He keeps his eyes on Zayn. The man’s looking down, his lips are parted and slick with saliva. He looks like he’s twenty again, his body just as beautiful and slender, his chest littered with tattoos, some of them picked by Liam. For a moment Liam considers letting his character slip a little, just to say something, but he finds himself unable to. He’s terrified this will turn into one of those crying-sex-moments and he’s not up for that.

Zayn lifts his gaze again and Liam wants to dive into those eyes, dark and lusty. With his hands on Liam’s belly, Zayn lifts his hips and drops down. He doesn’t give Liam time to react, instead he lifts up again and falls down. Zayn’s thighs may be trembling, but he works up a pretty good pace nonetheless.

” _Fuck _,” Liam swears, his voice husky, ”Fuck, you’re good.”__

__Zayn pants as he laughs a little, his long lashes fluttering against his cheeks. Their gazes keep locked and with every drop Liam starts pushing up, meeting Zayn's hips halfway. His fingers start to slide on Zayn skin, sweat making it slick the way Liam loves. He wraps his fingers around Zayn’s pink, painfully hard erection and strokes once, twice. Zayn throws his head back, a litany of obscenities falling from his lips. Liam can feel the familiar tight heat pooling in his lower stomach, but he refuses to let this end yet. He needs to burn that sight in his mind, in case it’ll never happen again, that sight of Zayn splayed on his stomach in front of him, his perfect, tattooed back and his bum right there as he grips what ever he can and chants Liam’s name like it’s a prayer._ _

__He stills Zayn’s movement with his hands, gripping hard enough to make Zayn open his eyes. Then he tilts his chin up once, his whole posture powerful and determined. ”Up. On your stomach and feet on the floor.”_ _

__Zayn doesn’t fight it, does as told. The man's fully aware of Liam’s kinks and fully enjoying them as well. _Just like before_. Liam has to take a moment to admire the artwork on his lover’s back, the black ink a perfect contrast to Zayn’s fair skin. As he’s thumbing along the lines of the newest tattoos, the ones he’s never seen before, Zayn lets out an impatient noise. _ _

__” _Please_ , Liam,” the older turns to face Liam the best he can. He’s not trying to hide his desperation anymore as he pushes his hips back, Liam’s cock sliding in the crack between Zayn’s arse cheeks. Liam’s breath hitches, just a little bit. _ _

__He leans down, his chest against Zayn’s back as he helps his cock on the entrace of Zayn’s hole. Before he pushes in, however, he licks the seam of Zayn’s earlobe, nibbles at it once and says with a low voice: ”There’s not one thing I wouldn’t give to you, baby. You just have to ask and it’s all yours.”_ _

__And with that he pushes in and lifts his upper body upright, applying a little pressure on Zayn’s hips with his hands. The man looks exactly like Liam remembers him, writhing underneath him, moaning Liam’s name as Liam starts thrusting. He pushes deeper and deeper with every thrust, gripping the older’s hips to get a better access. His own eyes are about to roll to the back of his head with the pleasure filling him up and it’s like his cup is full and now the water’s sloshing over the brim._ _

__”Oh, _Jesus_ , I swear you’re the best I’ve ever had,” Liam grunts as he tugs Zayn’s hips back to meet his thrusts. _ _

__Zayn practically mewls at that, pushing his face into the mattress. His knuckles are white from clenching the duvet and Liam feels like the king of the world, like he’s got it all and _God_ has he missed this. _ _

__”But you knew that already, didn’t you?”_ _

__The older turns his head to the side, his cheek laying on the bed as he tries to reach Liam’s gaze. ”I didn’t,” he grunts, once he does find it, ”But I’ll remember that.”_ _

__There’s more to those words than Liam’s able to process right now, but he makes sure to give Zayn the most meaningful look he can muster. He leans his chest against the other’s back again, still thrusting with an even pace. ”Can you be loud for me? Call my name like it’s the only word you know.”_ _

__Zayn’s eyes screw shut as he breathes out a soft ’Liam’. The word makes Liam smile, because now he has it all. He starts rocking into Zayn faster, harder and kisses his shoulder sloppily as Zayn keeps calling his name, his voice getting louder, higher at each thrust. Liam snaps his hips forward a few more times and sinks his teeth on Zayn’s shoulder before he can’t hold himself back anymore and he spills into the condom. As he does so, his hands press to Zayn’s sides with a vice-like grip, his whole body tenses up and he lets out an incoherent moan from where his teeth are attached to Zayn’s skin.  
Zayn must’ve had enough pressure on his cock, because he follows soon after Liam, before the man even manages to move an inch. Zayn’s whole body trembles with the force of it and even though Liam’s utterly spent, he can still feel the shiver of pleasure in his spine. _ _

__They lay there together like that for a few seconds, trying to catch their breaths, before Liam has to pull out, feeling oversensitive. He removes the condom and ties it up before throwing it in the bin. Zayn rolls over on to his back and pushes his damp hair up, away from his forehead. His eyes are on Liam, on his body and then on his face and eventually meeting his gaze._ _

__”You’re a fucking miracle,” Zayn says, his voice not one bit amused or teasing. He looks sincere and thoroughly fucked._ _

__Liam takes the few steps towards the bed and leans over Zayn with a small smile on his lips. ”Don’t I know that.”_ _

__His hand strokes Zayn’s side, much gentler now than before. Liam can see his own soft expression reflected in Zayn’s dark orbs. ”The best I ever had, you are.”_ _

__This evokes a reaction out of Zayn as he lifts up, leaning on his elbows, forcing Liam to rise up a little as well. ”Had? Last time then?”_ _

__Liam doesn’t know what to say. He’s not sure what he should say. He wants to tell Zayn to stay, wants to tell Zayn he’d gladly fuck him like this every single day if he’d just let Liam. The wise thing would probably be to just say ’yes’, but he can’t bring his lips to utter the words. Instead he slowly shakes his head and furrows his brows._ _

__”When is it ever the last time with us?” He strokes Zayn’s cheek. ”I don’t think we ever really talked about it but there were times we both thought we’d quit playing, I think. But we never did. You’re the one I can’t escape, even if I try to.”_ _

__Zayn’s eyelashes flutter as he takes in Liam’s words. And Liam hopes he hasn’t made a mistake, yet again. Hopes he won’t scare the older away now, with his childish hopes and dreams. He’s old enough to know that no love story ever has a happy ending._ _

__”Yeah,” Zayn nods eventually, casting his eyes downwards, ”Yeah, I don’t think I could get rid of you either, Liam. I miss you so much I thought I’d lose my mind over it. And then there you were, calling me. And I thought I was a gone fucker.”_ _

__There’s the smallest smile playing on Zayn’s lips as he speaks and Liam doesn’t think he’s hearing him right. These things don’t happen. Not to Liam Payne, they don’t._ _

__”Tell me you’re not kidding?” Liam breathes out, leaning closer._ _

__Zayn huffs a laugh. ”When do I ever kid about stuff like this. I think you’ve had me for years now, I just didn’t want to admit it, seeing what it did to Harry and Louis. And anyway, you were my best mate. And then there was Perrie, too.”_ _

__The older’s rambling is one of the thousand things Liam’s missed more than is probably healthy. He sighs, raking his fingers through Zayn’s hair. ”You have Gigi now, though. What about her?”_ _

__”Not serious,” Zayn simply says, shaking his head, ”I’ll break it off. Just say the word.”_ _

__Liam leans close enough to feel Zayn’s breath on his raw lips. ”Leave her.”_ _

__Zayn’s lips form into a smirk. ”Consider it done.”_ _

__Their lips fall into each other like two puzzle pieces, and Liam can even allow himself to think that now, cheesy as it is. His thumb strokes Zayn’s cheek as he pecks the older’s lips a couple more times, then pulling away. ”I have to break up with Cheryl then, I think.”_ _

__”You’re actually seeing her?” Zayn seems genuinely surprised by this, his brows rising._ _

__Liam shrugs. ”We’re shagging. Wouldn’t call it a relationship, but I had to make something out of it if I had to spend time with her.”_ _

__Zayn shakes his head disbelievingly. ”Jesus, Liam.”_ _

__”Does it bother you?” Liam asks, a little worried. ”That I’ve been seeing her?”_ _

__”It bothers me, yeah,” Zayn nods, his eyes momentarily darker, ”But it would bother me no matter who it was. I’ve never had you all to myself and I think it’s time.”_ _

__Liam bites down on his lower lip. ”Definitely, yes,” he gives the older a sweet, long kiss. ”Think we can make this work?”_ _

__”If we try hard enough, yeah,” Zayn says as he scoots back pulling the duvet from underneath him, ”We can talk about all this tomorrow. Come here and cuddle me. I’ve missed your arms around me.”_ _

__And so Liam climbs into his own bed, next to Zayn and pulls the older against his chest, _just like before_. He smells Zayn’s hair and lets his hand rest on top of his belly, playing with the lightest chest hair there. It’s not resolved, anything really, but Liam thinks, for once, they might be able to talk about it like two adults. And maybe then they’ll finally give it a try. _ _

__He whispers sweet nothings to Zayn’s ear until he feels his breathing evening out, the older falling into a sweet slumber. Liam places a small kiss on his temple and thinks that sometimes, rarely, life can actually work in your favour when you think you’re making a huge mistake. Just sometimes. But when it does, when it does turn a mistake into a blessing, you better not fuck it up. And Liam isn’t planning to. With Zayn inside his arms he feels like he’ll be able to sleep properly. For the first time in so long he actually looks forward to waking up, looks forward to those sleepy morning kisses and drowning his hand in Zayn’s perfect, soft hair. Liam presses his nose into Zayn’s neck and envelopes himself in the familiar scents and if he falls asleep with a smile on his lips, then it’s not anyone’s damn business._ _


End file.
